19:32

Happiness

If you ask most people what they want from life, most will say to be happy. Probe further, ask what they mean by ‘happy’, and you will get some oblique but not very satisfactory answers: money, status, success for yourself and your children, love, health for those that don’t possess it. These seem to be the symptoms rather than a descriptive of the state that we would call ‘happy’. Is it self fulfilment? If so how do we square the self fulfilment of the mouse and the cat? Is it a state to which one aspires, or a journey?  A Chinese proverb contains much wisdom. Happiness is ‘Something to do, someone to love, something to hope for’. Imagine the negative of any of these, or the lack of any one of them and its veracity is apparent.

Something to do. Happy people tend to be busy, maybe because too much reflection, by those that are not trained for it, can lead to navel-gazing where the focus can be on what is wrong with oneself, one’s relationships and the world. Dissatisfaction can become mental illness that feeds on itself, given the fertile ground that boredom provides: the devil, it is famously said, makes work for idle hands. The self-respect and sense of purpose that goes with earning a living is illustrated best by its converse – the soul-sapping misery of unemployment. This does not mean you have to love your work – a privilege given to few - but if you don’t actively hate it then the other two can probably haul you through, especially the last – hope.

Someone to love. Does love make you happy? Those that are ‘in love’, tend to be like manic depressives, soaring to the heights of ecstasy before plumbing the depths of doubt and rejection, an experience that is memorable for its sweetness and misery and never forgotten – but not really ‘happy’. And we all know those who think that a relationship will make them happy when we know in our heart of hearts that the happiness has to come first: get happy to make someone else happy who will make you happy: it’s a cruel chicken and egg syndrome. Love is, perhaps, a feeling of value, that your core is something that is valued by someone else and vice versa - which is not the same as romantic love. It is about security – knowing that those insecurities and inner sadnesses are safe with another.  In his beautiful book, The Intimate History of Humanity, Theodore Zeldin conceptualises a modern, mature view of love that goes beyond the securing of property and the romantic ideal that we know in our heart-of- hearts is not a realistic state of mind,, “A third kind of intimacy has been imagined, an intimacy of minds, for people who read and think and observe both others and themselves, and for whom life is an exploration.  Instead of constantly asking each other 'Are you still besotted with me?' the question has become, 'Do you still interest me, stimulate me, help me, comfort me, and care for me as I change and grow, and do I still do the same for you?' This intimacy is a partnership in the search for truth, enabling each to see the world twice over, through the other's eyes as well as one's own. Penetrating into each other's mind involves neither submission nor domination: the partners try to listen to each other, while each remains a separate person, conscious that intimacy can be a cause of conflicts, or become too close and stifling, or too defensive.  It cannot be a totally safe retreat from the hostile world, and the implication is that two people are unable to satisfy each other's needs in their entirety.  But their differences make it possible for them to help each other to explore, together and separately, what they could not attempt on their own.”

Something to hope for. Is it possible, unless you enjoy a firm religious belief, to be happy in hospice? Or a prison? Accepting maybe, but happy? Hope might also be about dreams – aspiration to something more than the mundane trudge of daily life. This is not the fantasy of a lottery win but the idea that tomorrow may be better than today – or indeed that tomorrow will be there at all.

So is happiness a state? And if so how do you recognise it? Is it only recognisable if you know unhappiness – in which case it may be more of a journey than a place where you arrive and the happiness itself comes from the striving and sense of achievement that it gives as you attain your goals no matter how small. It could also be a decision. Life is made up of good things and also sadness and grief. You can make a decision to, in the words of the song, accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. We all know people who are good at this and they always seem happy even in a state of grief. As the Queen so aptly put it after 9/11, grief is the price we pay for love. Grief and happiness are faces of the same coin – not opposites. Sadness and unhappiness around you are not a bar to being happy though this is not a point to labour if taken to extremes. The decision could also be to take pleasure from small things – a cup of tea, birdsong, a beautiful day. The truism that money doesn’t buy you happiness is a recognition that the competition for greater luxury leaves little time for appreciating these things. Manfred Kets de Vries, who has spent years observing overachieving businessmen put this nicely. ‘All of us are wealthy to the extent that, rather than seeking to have what we want, we seek to want what we have.’ Ingrid Bergman had a simple description of happiness: good health – and a bad memory.

Happiness seems to be a side product – something that comes as a result of looking in other places and doing things. The more we search for it, the more hidden it remains. Nathaniel Hawthorn elucidates this. ‘Happiness is as a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always beyond the grasp, but which, if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you.’
SHARE:

19:30

Christmas cards

Christmas cards
Christmas cards; what has gone wrong? In days of yore they were income for charities and a means of acknowledging, once a year, a family or ...
SHARE:

17:35

Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker
When asked how a friend in London had broken her leg, Dorothy Parker answered, 'Probably sliding down a barrister.'
SHARE:

17:08

Real life horror

Real life horror
I'm not one for horror - books or movies. I have an overactive imagination and don't need to dwell on that space. Unfortunately, fac...
SHARE:

16:59

Hong Kong taxi

Hong Kong taxi
Hong Kong has a super-efficient and very cheap taxi service. The drivers are very Cantonese and rarely speak more than basic English. It was...
SHARE:

09:30

Berlin: falling walls

Berlin: falling walls
On the 9th November 1989 the Berlin Wall came down. It is also the anniversary of Kristallnacht in 1938. On that same day, every year, a con...
SHARE:

07:53

Mumbai style commuting

Mumbai style commuting
We caught the commuter train from Thane, a city of two million north of Mumbai into the centre. There is no polite waiting for those disemba...
SHARE:

13:33

David Chipperfield

David Chipperfield
Berlin. We have just visited the Neues Museum in Berlin. It was destroyed by allied bombing between 1943 and 1945 and remained a ruin until ...
SHARE:

18:08

Fifty shades of grey - a husband's view

Fifty shades of grey - a husband's view
The missus bought a Paperback ...down Shepton, Saturday, I had a look inside her bag; ....T'was "fifty shades of grey". Well I...
SHARE:

11:08

Bankside

Bankside
After a meeting near London Bridge I was walking down a small road called Redcross Way. It runs alongside a waste ground surrounded by hoard...
SHARE:

19:11

Advice for life

Advice for life
Good advice for life: be a lifeboat, a lighthouse or a ladder.
SHARE:

15:03

Ley lines

Ley lines
It started on a wet Sunday afternoon with a hyperactive friend whose favourite activity is finding walks that no one else would ever attempt...
SHARE:

11:57

Italian breakfasts

Italian breakfasts
Breakfast is the best meal. Everyone gets it right – even the Scots and Americans: what could be better than kippers and porridge? Or thin, ...
SHARE:

10:56

Shades of grey

Shades of grey
I always read Matthew Parris and feel that he is a man of intelligence, subtlety and humanity. I read Peter Hitchens and feel that he is a m...
SHARE:

17:22

Police and 'Plebgate'

Police and 'Plebgate'
I've been surprised recently about how the Andrew Mitchell 'Plebgate' affair is panning out. The facts - did he, or did he not c...
SHARE:

20:10

The money illusion

The money illusion
The world is divided between those that own a house  - who want prices to rise, and those who don’t - who are waiting impatiently for the da...
SHARE:

14:51

Dogs - who's in charge?

Dogs - who's in charge?
If an alien arrived on Earth and saw a dog crapping and a human walking behind picking it up, who do you think they would think was in charge?
SHARE:

09:49

Quantitative Easing - from here to infinity

Quantitative Easing - from here to infinity
This is from a speech this week by Richard Fisher who is a Federal Open Market Committee member and Dallas Fed President. Fisher, though a T...
SHARE:

10:30

Agnosticism

Agnosticism
We are living with a dear friend who is dying. On a daily basis we have to confront mortality and questions of belief and faith in stark ter...
SHARE:

06:06

Rain

Rain
It never stops raining in England. Right? Not quite. London is actually the sixth driest large city in Europe with 23.3 inches a year. The w...
SHARE:

08:14

Diabolic Fiesta

Diabolic Fiesta
Mallorca. Felatrix. Fiesta. We approached the small square below the bulk of the church by a side street that could barely take two cars. It...
SHARE:

11:38

Pensions disaster

Pensions disaster
I wrote this back in 2006, in the balmy days before the world decended into its current mess. It still stands up - and the situation is even...
SHARE:

17:01

Grumpy old man (1)

Grumpy old man (1)
What is it about plumbing that is consistently so bad? Why does anyone think that it is sensible or desirable to have shower, bath or sink t...
SHARE:

16:42

A Catalan oath

A Catalan oath
Mallorca. Robert Hughes died last week. I am reading his paean to his favourite city, Barcelona. I had forgotten what a wonderful writer he ...
SHARE:

06:52

Julian Assange

Julian Assange
A good article on the legal facts behind the Assange extradion furore. Now he has George Galloway behind him he must feel a lot better. http...
SHARE:

05:00

The new Irish

The new Irish
David Goodhart on the new British sense of identity. By George, I think he's got it. http://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/blog/the-british-...
SHARE:

16:32

Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs
Steve Job’s biography has been a huge bestseller – and seems to divide those that read it. There are those that see him as a genius who was ...
SHARE:

14:18

Singapore

Singapore
Singapore is not my favourite country. Its cleanliness is antiseptic, its people smug and its politics, well, non-existent. But it is one of...
SHARE:

10:13

Censorship

Censorship
The head of the Board of Film Censorship was interviewed recently. He explained that they are no longer seeking to censor any violence, no m...
SHARE:

15:54

The Heatherwick Studio

The Heatherwick Studio
There is a great exhibition on at the V&A of the work of the Heatherwick Studio. Founded by Thomas Heatherwick in 1994, it is a design, ...
SHARE:

15:48

BBC Sunshine

BBC Sunshine
There is a subtle re-writing of history going on. As most of us have noticed, this summer has not exactly been, er, sunny. Most egregiously,...
SHARE:

08:51

The ladder of life

The ladder of life
When I was at university I had the good fortune to sit next to the then Duke of Norfolk at a dinner. He was a charming and approachable man ...
SHARE:

03:55

Psychometric and IQ testing

Psychometric and IQ testing
Psychometric testing is now the norm for any mainstream job interview for up-market white-collar employment. It purports to measure intellig...
SHARE:

10:28

Gore Vidal

Gore Vidal
Gore Vidal, who died today, was interviewed by a particularly irritating interlocutor. 'Mr Vidal,' he said, 'that was utterly me...
SHARE:

12:17

Reputation

Reputation
Reputation is a brittle thing. Roger Casement (below) is a good example as is King Canute. King Canute gets a bad press. He is held up as th...
SHARE:

12:12

Sir Roger Casement

Sir Roger Casement
I have just finished reading The Dream of the Celt by  MarioVargas Llosa, a fictional biography of Sir Roger Casement, the Irish Nationalist...
SHARE:

12:12

Eurozone woes

Eurozone woes
The Eurozone is entering yet another moment of truth. Once again the flaws in the original construct are becoming yet more apparent as a ban...
SHARE:

11:45

The British Summer

The British Summer
Kirk Douglas was filming To Catch a Spy on the West Coast of Scotland in 1970. One day he got so fed up with the rain keeping him indoors th...
SHARE:

11:10

Gitta Sereny

Gitta Sereny
Gitta Sereny Gitta Sereny died recently. It would probably be true to say that no one has studied evil deeds and those that perpetuated them...
SHARE:

19:49

Television

Television
A year or more ago I was listening to AA Gill who is, amongst other things,  a television critic. He said how fed up he was with otherwise i...
SHARE:

19:40

Bird migration

Bird migration
I am reading a wonderful book: Say goodbye to the Cuckoo by Michael McCarthy. It is an elegy to the migrating bird species that, for many re...
SHARE:

05:21

Crash

Crash
I fly a microlight – though this is not the hang-glider with a chain-saw engine that most people associate with that concept - but a sleek s...
SHARE:

14:07

Debate

Debate
The Chalke Valley History Festival, Wiltshire. Go to it next year; it's wonderful. We went to a discussion between Michael Gove and Tris...
SHARE:

13:46

The state we're in

The state we're in
Matthew Parris is always worth reading. Never more so than this: “We have been living beyond our means. We have been paying ourselves more t...
SHARE:

10:20

Torcello

Torcello
Torcello. Dawn. This is the fulfilment of a longstanding ambition; to arrive in Venice under sail and to sleep among the outreaches of the l...
SHARE:

09:43

London skyline

London skyline
The Jubilee river pageant threw a spotlight on the river skyline of London that has been changed, almost beyond recognition in some places, ...
SHARE:

14:19

Stanstead

Stanstead
Stanstead. I overheard someone in St James's (where else?) saying about Stanstead that 'it was not an officer's airport.' Qu...
SHARE:

20:23

WEIRD

WEIRD
David Goodhart was the founder of Prospect and is now an editor at large. His review of Jonathan Haidt's new book The Righteous Mind is ...
SHARE:

11:55

A jubilee story

A jubilee story
There was a garden party at Buckingham Palace. It was in full swing when round the corner came a snarl of corgis, followed by Her Majesty. O...
SHARE:

23:24

Jury Service

Jury Service
I have done Jury Service twice. The first was in Hong Kong about thirty years ago. The case was a sad one. A young illegal immigrant was sta...
SHARE:
Blogger Template Created by pipdig